I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
