There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
