After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
