absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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