It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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