Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
