Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
