I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
