this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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