Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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