She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
