Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
