dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
