you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
