How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
