i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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