First date: that requires underwear, huh?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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