can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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