At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
