I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Everyone says I win the strip club
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
