he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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