Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
