So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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