You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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