So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
