Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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