I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
