just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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