the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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