Nicole vs. Life
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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