butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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