you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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