so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
