Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
