I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
