I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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