playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
