I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
