bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
