i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
