Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
