In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
