Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
