DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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