I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize