this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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