pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize