is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
