it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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