Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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