You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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