I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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