how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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