took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
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Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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