I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
