i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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