Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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